My awakening has been a post a long time in the making. The process that I have been through has been amazing. At times painful, at times inspiring, always beautiful. I am by nature a pretty private person when it comes to sharing my flaws. I would like for everyone to think that I am perfect, however, in reality, we all know that is not possible. I often look at people with immaculately clean homes and manicured nails with children dressed immaculately and with impeccable manners and my heart sinks a little because I don’t understand why I haven’t done that. However, we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors or in the darkness of night. That is the reality.
My Reality Check-I Am Not Perfect!
For me, perfection has been my inner demon since childhood. I always did what I was supposed to and what was appropriate. I constantly worried about how others felt around me. It was a great source of stress and I was tested for ulcers when I was 12. I didn’t have ulcers, but stress was causing me to have horrible stomachaches. It persists to this day, but I am an adult and learned some coping techniques. I was always a good student and did what was right and what was expected of me until I moved off on my own. It was then that I made a few poor decisions that resulted in some dramatic life changing events for me. The primary one, becoming a mom. I never set out to be a mom. I didn’t babysit or dream of the day when I would have children of my own, but found myself at 21 with the most beautiful and precious baby girl. From that day forward I saw perfection slip further and further away. You see, becoming a parent changes all of your notions of perfection.
What I Did Dream Of Becoming…
I dreamed of becoming a doctor or in my rebellious college years an anthropologist and travel the world (I still absolutely love anthropology and history). It was what was expected of a young lady at the top of her class who was in all the “smart kids” programs in school. So when I found myself at 35 sitting in my living room floor, now the mother of 3 kids who never finished her college degrees and “became anything”, a wave of depression set in me and my real struggles began.
How I Am Learning Realize New Dreams:
My life wasn’t over, but it definitely wasn’t what I had envisioned it to be in my youth. It rarely ever is, I have learned. So I went on a soul search. I started meditating, had an energy reading done, learned more about biometric energy.I read a lot and let other things slide, like housework and family time. I also started using and researching essential oils. They are a great resource for helping the mind. I stumbled onto a blend called Awaken. It is made up of many different components, all of which I knew I needed to focus on if I was going to become the person I was truly meant to be.
This blend contains several oils including jasmine, rose, bergamot, and ylang ylang. They are meant to restore balance and attract love and joy to your heart. It is most often used for helping to overcome grief and depression. I realized I was in desperate need of realizing the love that surrounded me on a daily basis so that I could also find the love I have for myself. And as crazy as it sounds I was grieving a life I never even had. It was the life I thought I should have had if everything was perfect.
This oil blend contains helichrysum, melissa, sandalwood, frankincense, and angelica to name a few. These oils help release anger and negative emotions and feelings and combat depression and despair. This is necessary when healing. I found that I must learn to forgive myself for not becoming the person that I thought I should. I was angry at myself for not being that person, for not being perfect. Without forgiveness there cannot be peace, love, or understanding and there can be no awakening.
This one is a simple blend consisting of Neroli, Ylang ylang, spruce, and almond oil. These oils help to stabilize and strengthen emotions and open and release emotional blocks and restore balance. I have a wall surrounding myself. As long as the wall is up no one comes in and I stay in the same place I am today. However, it keeps my thoughts in the past wondering what could have been and worrying about the future. When I allow myself to focus on the present, I can begin to figure out how I can achieve my goals for the future. I can enjoy my life as it is today, because I don’t get another today. I can’t change the past and the future is not promised, but I can focus on the present and enjoy it.
A combination of sandalwood, blue tansy, juniper, bergamot, anise, tangerine, ylang ylang, and black pepper this oil helps promote spiritual cleansing of negative emotions to reduce anxiety depression, and tension. Once this is cleared, you can truly dream again. So many of the dreams of my youth had not come to fruition that I put a wall up and quit allowing myself to dream and visualize. Yes, I had wants and desires, but dreams have eluded me for a while. That is kind of sad for someone that at one time had big hopes and dreams and aspirations. How can you achieve big things if you can’t dream or visualize? The Bible has a great quote that “without vision, my people will surely perish” My soul was dying a slow death because of this wall.
This last blend uses geranium, rosewood, lavender, sandalwood, frankincense, orange, lemon, angelica, hyssop, Roman chamomile and a few other oils to help create a harmonic balance so that physical and emotional healing can occur. It helps create a positive attitude because without one there would be no progression forward in the healing process.
How Did I Use this Blend for My Awakening?
Well the first day I had this blend I diffused it, I put it into my diffuser necklace, and I put it on my heart. I cried and was overly emotional all day. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wonderful was going to happen if I would just hang in. Over the next 7 days I just put a drop in my diffuser necklace and a drop on my heart. I still had the general depression because the thing is, you still have to work through the stuff. I guess I was expecting to use the oil and my problems would just melt away and the world would throw itself at my feet. It does not work that way! After about a week of going through my daily motions and not feeling a lot better, I still had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something great is about to happen.
Wow! Does It Get Any Better?
The past few days, I have taken to hiding in my room in the evenings. It is so I can process things I know, but it’s hard for my family to understand. Somewhere between last night and this morning, I felt the breakthrough. All the crap I had bottled up for almost 20 years starting coming to me. It didn’t flood me and overwhelm me. It just surfaced. I journaled it. I anointed my forehead with a little frankincense for clearer focus and I realized what was holding me back from greatness. I know how I must handle it and I am grasping a vision of what my future will be like and it is beautiful and amazing.
Why do I share this experience?
Because I can’t be the only 35 year old female out there whose life didn’t go according to her master plan. Who is full of anger, envy, and sadness. The essential oil did not cure me, make no mistake, I am not claiming that. It helped to open my mind and my heart to the healing process that must be done to attain the vision of what will be. God has a plan for us all, but we are the ones who decide if we will allow it.